LIGHTS OFF! PERMANENTLY! NOW!
Posted February 1, 2010. Changed 3/26/10
I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR DARK SKIES
No One Ever Changed The Rules By Following Them!
THE ESSENCE OF THE DARK SKY INITIATIVE:
LIGHT POLLUTION is not a joke, folks, but the light polluters, bless their hearts, the Satans of Brightness (SOBs), as I call 'em, the corps. (corporations) and the mainline dark sky orgs, and the glossy astronomy magazines, certainly do make it easy for this old Stargazer (STARGEEZER?) to poke 'em with sticks. And though light pollution is not a lighthearted problem, especially amongst astronomers, I'll try making a little light of it by focusing a few photons of farce and funniness on the isssssue.
WARNING!
You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what causes light pollution: TOO MUCH LIGHT! My approach to killing light pollution is not rocket science, and I know rocket science. It's unique, a no-nonsense four-word strategy.
LIGHTS OFF! PERMANENTLY! NOW!
It's a kick-ass, no-holds-barred, take-no-prisoners attitude that's not for weenies! It's a hard-nosed, hard-shelled, hard-boiled, hard-assed, hard-headed, hard-core concept!
LIGHTS OFF! PERMANENTLY! NOW!
Earlier versions of my website were polite, courteous and pleasant; but light pollution waxed, dark skies waned. No more Mr. Nice (Dark Sky) Guy!
LIGHTS OFF! PERMANENTLY! NOW!
If you're serious about killing light pollution (if you're not serious, why are you still reading?), stop by my website frequently as I make changes and additions. Yes, I know it's L-L-L-O-O-O-NG! I am no longer willing to slice n' dice my own writing to satisfy the few twit's n' tweets who can't / don't / won't read more than 150 characters or words and most likely wouldn't do anything to kill light pollution anyway! So, if you can't "handle the truth" or don't want to read more than a few words, just stay holed up on your little light polluted Isle of Denial, click on any one of the many wishy-washy "darksky.org" websites, and stop reading now!
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OK, HERE WE GO! The mainline darksky.orgs and astronomy magazines have used two "strategeries" (Bush-speak for strategies) for eons, epochs, n' eras (well, OK, decades) to fight light pollution.
Strategery 1. Light laws and ordinances..."So how's that workin' out for ya?" says Dr. Fill!
Strategery 2. "Fix" light fixtures--spay and neuter 'em--so their light shines down, not up, out, and all about. "Golly, if we could just somehow, magically, "fix" all 300 million light fixtures in America today..." More magical thinking, but even if it came true... there'd still be loads of light pollution tonight.
To sum up I'll paraphrase one of my favorite authors, Derrick Jensen: Your bathtub (your sky) is rapidly filling to the brim with water (light pollution). It's just a-rollin' and a-gushin' outta the faucet, and the drain is stoppered. What do you do? What-DO-you-do? Do you grab the nearest cup and start bailin' the water into the sink (strategery number 1)? Or, do you quickly grab an eye-dropper out of the meds-cabinet and drip-drop the water as fast as possible into the toilet (strategery 2)? Well, if you're not a dim-bulb (Ouch!), you'll simply reach over and turn off the faucet--in short, KILL THE LIGHTS! Oh, and whilst your at it, you might reach down and unplug the drain and flush the SOBs who generate most of the light in the first place down the drain!
There is only one solution to light pollution:
LIGHTS OFF! PERMANENTLY! NOW!
Most lights, dim bulbs, not all lights! Ah, come-on, lighten up, that was a photon of funniness! Demanding less, doing less is the epitome, the apogee of hypocrisy!
NO EXCUSES! NO COMPROMISES! NO EXCEPTIONS!
The problem of light pollution goes way beyond what causes it--too much light! It goes to the very core, the essence, of what it is to be human living on a finite planet!
Here's why I won't compromise on dark skies... Hey, a new bumper sticker:
Dark Skies! Don't Compromise!
MOST NIGHTTIME LIGHTING...
Most nighttime lighting in America is a reflection of who we are as humans living on this planet. Most nighttime lighting is thoughtless, senseless, useless, careless, reckless, feckless, frivolous, DEFENSELESS promotional corporate / business advertising.
Most nighttime lighting is empty-headed, feather-brained, hare-brained, scatter-brained, poorly-aimed, light-headed, light-minded, petty, pointless, ruthless, willful, wanton, wayward, wasteful light that does nothing but increase the cost of every single product you purchase.
Yes, even the products you stalwart Mal-Wart shoppers buy from China, which by the way, IS a COMMUNIST country.
And here's the BIG idea, the thing you need to remember: most nighttime lighting in America creates NO safety and security for you or your property! That's right, most nighttime lighting in America creates NO safety or security for you or your property!
(Kind of makes me wonder why all you so-called pat-triotic 'Mericans send so much of your so-called hard-earned money over there to COMMUNIST Chiner! Does the word hypocrisy ever ring in your ears?)
Then there's this whole new thing about COMMUNIST Chiner censoring the internet, playing games with Google! Golly, why would so many people in 'Merica, who claim to be such good, God-fearin', flag-wavin', gun-totin', pat-triotic 'Mericans, want to send their money over to such an UN'Merican country, A COMMUNIST COUNTRY that censors the internet from its people? Answer me: Why would all you rightwing-nut, Lush Limpballs listenin', pat-triotic, flag-wavin', gun-totin', 'Mericans send ANY of your money to such a Godless COMMUNIST country????
HYPOCRISY!
It's no wonder we have to fight so hard here in 'Merica for dark skies whilst rightwing-nut pat-triotic 'Mericans can't/don't/won't think deep enough to realize sending money to COMMUNIST Chiner hurts us all! Ah, but we gotta keep those good 'Merican corps.--so many of which are already in COMMUNIST Chiner--alive, you know! Oh, yeah, gotta keep the corps. alive at all costs!
AGAIN: MOST NIGHTTIME LIGHTING IN AMERICA CREATES NO SAFETY OR SECURITY FOR YOU OR YOUR PROPERTY......AGAIN:
...NO SAFETY OR SECURITY FOR YOU OR YOUR PROPERTY!
So, what's the solution to light pollution?
LIGHTS OFF! PERMANENTLY! NOW!
Again, not all lights, but most lights!
WHERE DOES MOST LIGHT POLLUTION ORIGINATE?
Most light pollution occurs along and within the so-called business corridors of small towns and large cities, where the corps. (corporations and businesses) reside, not in the residential realms. I'm not talking about small business here!
A picture's worth a 1000 words: Look at this unaltered aerial nighttime image taken in 1997 of my own community, Ames, Iowa (pop. 50,000+). Where are most of the nighttime lights?
EXACTLY! In the business areas! Most of the image IS residential, DARK, even though there are at least 6000 streetlights in Ames. You can see some of them in this image, but most are invisible because of efforts to have most of them "capped n' covered". The edges of this image are essentially the city limits of Ames. Even Iowa State Corporation, er, University, the largest "business" in Ames, by far, is MUCH darker than the entire business "district" of Ames!! Ah, but ISC, er, U, took it upon itself long ago to be a dark sky member of the community! Except for very few, not so with the majority of the Ames business community!
Again, most of this image is residential. And this image is now more than a decade old, so the community is more light polluted than it was in 1997 because the corps. have grown dramatically, along with their endless parking lots! Ah, but we gotta keep the developers alive, ya know!
Indeed, there are now THREE Mal-Warts in Ames, Iowa! Yes, THREE! Jobs, jobs, jobs...! Only one appears in this image, a "regular" Mally-Wart. The other two, a Slam's Club (same corps., different name), and now a third, a SUPER MAL-WART, add gigawatts of light pollution, not that the corps. would care! And they all thrive--no surprise--there are plenty of folk who gotta have their daily dose of cheap plastic crap from...are ya ready? COMMUNIST Chiner!
So, what's the only solution to light pollution?
LIGHTS OFF! PERMANENTLY! NOW!
AND AMES HAS AN OUTDOOR LIGHTING LAW!
And remember, Ames has had an outdoor lighting law since 1997, more than a decade now, compliments of the mainline darksky.orgs and local astronomers who thought it would help control light pollution--It hasn't AND IT WON'T! And guess who is essentially unaffected by it? Yep, you got it! Da corps. I'm not complaining about the small family owned local businesses, here, folks. It's the big boys of business, the corps., who are the real culprits, the villians, the Satans of Brightness (SOBs). So many SOBs! So little dark sky! And the local light law has had NO impact on them whatsoever!
The Ames light law is watered down, compromised, worthless. Like most light laws it has the good ol' gran'daddy clause in it--among many other loopholes--protecting the worst SOBs. I wonder, who could have been responsible for that happening? SOBs, and I don't mean Satans of Br....!
And little, obscure, Ames, Iowa, is no different than almost all the other towns / cities in the country / world! But, we just gotta keep them corps. alive, don't we--the BIG national and international businesses--the BIG box corps., the BIG car corps., the BIG bank corps., the BIG fast food corps., the BIG agribusiness corps., and so many others. They're the primary light polluters, and they're also the BIG boys on Wall Street, you know, the ones too BIG to fail!
So, again, what's the solution to light pollution?
LIGHTS OFF! PERMANENTLY! NOW!
And if you think Ames is bad, you should see Ankeny, Iowa, at night, 20 miles south of Ames, a 'burb of Des Moines, from ground level or above. It's an SOBs world of wonder, but a dark sky night terror. Big box stores galore! Thousands of acres of car corps.' lots flooded with thousands of cars and gigawatts of bright lights blazing ALL NIGHT LONG! Why? Well, the answer the owners give when an old stargeezer asks 'em why they need gigawatts of light blazing all night long: "Some cuss-omer might wanna shop for a car at 3 am!" HOG HOCKEY! But, hey...we gotta keep the corps., the SOBs, alive!
WALL STREET MIGHT BE DARK BY NOW...
Wall Street might actually be dark now had all of us (millions of us) stood up, stepped up, and SHOUTED, point-blank...
"JAIL 'EM! DON'T BAIL 'EM!"
The SYSTEM nearly collapsed in 2008-2009, but instead of changing the SYSTEM so that it serves ALL of us, We The People of America, we sat silently on the sidelines whilst the rich and powerful, the corporations who created the SYSTEM in the first place, put their little humpty-dum(b)ty Wall Street Corps. back together again, propped 'em up on the "Wall" Street again, and gave 'em renewed life with even bigger profits and even bigger bonuses using OUR / YOUR tax money!! What will it take to make you angry enough, outraged enough, PO'd enough to do something other than bitch and moan, tweet and twitter, blog and bellyache, tea bag and tea party? What will make you rise up and KILL THE CORPS. (turn off the faucet and pull the plug in the bathtub) and KILL LIGHT POLLUTION!?
Indeed, the corps. might now be corpses themselves and dark skies might already be recovering from the whitewash of light pollution over America had Americans stepped up by the millions and YELLED, "NO!" to the corps.! Ah, but we gotta keep the corps. alive, don't we? Gotta keep those Wall Street numbers goin' up, up, up--especially for those who can afford it! Gotta keep those hard workin' gamblers, er...investors, crapshooters, highrollers, speculators, commodity players, entre-manures, fortune-hunters, opportunists, workin' har-r-r-d! Gotta keep that engine of economic development chuggin' along down the tracks, gotta keep the developers developin' (jobs, jobs, jobs!), factories (mostly in COMMUNIST Chiner?) hummin', industry industrious, capitalism capitalized, subsidies subsidized, BIG agribusiness "feedin' the world", the free-market (which never was and is not free) marketin', free-enterprise (also never free) enterprisin' along, gotta keep the whole SYSTEM hustlin' along at light / warp / full speed, full throttle-up--golly, I hope them O-rings hold--gotta grow, grow, grow...Bigger is better, more is best! Whoa! that'll set off ol' Lush Limpballs, won't it?
Solution to light pollution?
LIGHTS OFF! PERMANENTLY! NOW!
Tonight, every night, America'll be illuminated by the glare and glow of more than 300 million light fixtures, spraying light up, out, and all about, erasing starlight, and thousands more will be added as you read this sentence, despite all the light laws and ordinances and other so-called light pollution solutions advocated by the darksky.org!
Hey, here's a thought: One-tenth as many lights--thirty million--well aimed and properly focused, would be more than enough light to secure America from those dreaded Commies or Liberals or Gays or Athesists or... or... or... whichever group's the current rightwing-nut Lush Limpballs' scapegoat--and still provide plenty of advertising to keep the corps. alive. And make no mistake, nighttime lightin' is all about keepin' the corps. alive! Above all, we gotta keep the corps. alive!
AGAIN...GOTTA KEEP THE CORPS. ALIVE!
Again, to paraphrase and rephrase one of my favorite authors, Derrick Jensen: When astronomers and nonastronomers alike in this culture ask (and I get asked all the time), "Hey, Dark Sky Guy, how can I stop light pollution?" that's not really what they're asking. They're really asking, "How can I stop light pollution without significantly changing my lifestyle?" A lifestyle that actually IS the cause of light pollution in the first place.
ASTRONOMERS, LISTEN! This is exactly why the mainline darksky.org and the astronomy magazines will NEVER succeed, will never restore dark skies or even lessen light pollution by ONE percent! Their whole approach is based on the assumption that we CAN NOT, we dare not, we must not, we will not...change the greedy American lifestyle (read out-of-control capitalism...Oops, there go the rightwing-nut Limpball-ites again!)!
We're only allowed to tinker around the edges, the margins of the problem with lighting laws and "fixing" fixtures (read...gotta keep the corps. alive!), neither of which will EVER make a dim-bulb's dent or difference in light pollution or any of the other dilemmas that baffle and befuddle humans, oh, like, say...health care!!
And keep in mind, any and all light laws written and passed these days must measure up to the lighting industry's specs (groups like the International Association of Lighting Designers, IALD) who now control the mainline darksky.org! Remember, they sit on the Bored of Directors of the mainline darksky.org! Can you say...